Ok, not literally, but I’ve felt frantic the last few weeks. Once again, I’ve piled too much awesome on my plate and now I need to hop off this freight train and just watch the world around me move at a slower pace.
I’m starting with baby steps.
I used to be pretty bold when I was a manager, I have the ability in me to accomplish a huge amount of things and to say “no” to my kid just fine, plus I used to be the boss of over 40 people so I’m fairly decent about putting my foot down when I need to.
I’ve been soft though. I’ve let nonsense and obligations creep into my life that aren’t fulfilling me. I’m bad at faking it or pretending to care when I really just don’t. However, some of my obligations at the moment impact more than just me, so (much like Wilson Phillips) I will “hold on for one more day.” (I’m sorry, that was terrible. You are fully allowed to hate me now.)
So here’s the baby step I started with tonight….my closet. Several times a year I clear it out and donate things or throw things away. But for years I have held onto certain things thinking that maybe someday I’d suddenly have all of these amazing events that would require me to bring 14 pairs of completely different black heels. What the hell am I thinking with this many black heels anyway? I don’t even like wearing heels!
Some things just don’t fit and I’m going to stop lying to myself that they will in the future. It’s depressing to look at the cute skirt that you haven’t fit into in 4 years and think that any day now you’ll be able to just slip it back on. I did, however, keep a few sentimental tshirts and some crazy teal shoes that I could probably only get away with wearing in Las Vegas. I need a little comfort of memory and a pinch of denial in my life, I’m ok with it.
There’s a giant bag that’s being donated tomorrow. I have big, empty spaces in my closet, and it feels good. Now I just need to apply this same logic to my calendar and we will be all set!
Over the next few weeks I’m going to be reorganizing my surplus food, getting back to some hardcore meal planning (I’m going to see if I can get my grocery budget to just $30/week!), and planning out next year’s homeschooling.
Oh, it’s a lot, but I’ve got a farm to get off the ground this fall, so things need to get done, and “no thanks” needs to come out of this mouth a little more often.