Right now my butt hurts…a lot. I got knocked down hard tonight and I didn’t fall the right way. A week from now I will go back and do it again.
When I got hit tonight I knew as I was falling that it would be bad. When I hit the ground I felt it go through my whole body. I rolled to my knees and thought I would just stay there. Just stop the jam or let it continue without me. I could hear the refs muttering if I was ok. Just as I was about to tell them I was done, my weary body hoisted me up and my wobbly feet pushed. My wheels were rolling and I was back on the track.
I was moving slowly and rubbing my tailbone. I felt a sense of anger and that anger was pushing me forward. Not anger at the person who knocked me down, but anger at the pain that was slowing me down. I was angry with myself for being taken out like that and for not falling forward. For not having stronger legs, not having faster reflexes, not paying enough attention.
But, I’m learning. I’m getting up early each day to go to the gym, I’m watching what I eat, I’m pushing myself each time I get out there. There’s still a lot of work. There’s a lot more pain and painful lessons. A lot more frustration and aggravation. But it’s derby and we’re all nuts, so I guess this just comes with the territory.